I have lately been thinking about how respect plays into
relationships with others, and how a lack-there-of can lead to unstable
relationships. Although this concept can be applied to nearly every relationship,
I am focusing solely on professional connections, such as those made in the
workplace.
Being a Resident Assistant for the past semester and into
this spring, I have learned even further how important respect is when dealing
with people you are “in charge of”. A dorm setting is very different to the
workplace, but the things I have learned from my position are arguably similar.
One thing I have realized is that respect is easy to gain, and even easier to
lose. I say this cautiously, because the tricky thing about respect is that it must
be established within the first few encounters with a person. You have to lay
out the ground rules and then build a
meaningful relationship with them. But even after the relationship has been
developed, you cannot be afraid to enforce policies and regulations. If you let
bad work go just because you have a personal connection with the person, they
will take advantage of your kindness and the organization will be full of
people who are too complacent to listen to management.
At the same time though, you, as the administrator, must
show respect to those you are overseeing. There must
be a mutual respect for a cohesive environment to be sustained. If you do not
respect those reporting to you, they will feel your disinterest and be less
motivated to do well. And why should they be motivated if they know that, no
matter what, they will get away with sloppy work?
Sometimes the best way to gain the most respect is to become
friends with your workers. Some managers are afraid to become friends with the
people they manage because they do not want to have to put their friendship in
question if they have to enforce policies. In my experience, I think it is
possible to be friends with those you oversee. However, you always have to
remember that you are the administrator first, and the friend second. But I do
not think this will create a disingenuous relationship, or one that feels
almost fake because you have to be stern with them sometimes. I think that they
will be more receptive to your feedback and your authority if they are friends
with you because what you have to say will be genuine and coming from a place
of support.
Being an RA must be such a great opportunity to gain management skills before entering the workforce. I always thought it must be hard for RAs not to become friends with their residents because you are so similar in age. I think it's cool how you explained how you lay down ground rules first and then build meaningful relationships and friendships. This will definitely help you in your future job(s).
ReplyDeleteMy wife and I were both RAs, and we still look back on that experience as formative. 25 years later, we're still friends with some of our colleagues from those days!
ReplyDeleteTo the purpose of your post - being an RA is a great experience specifically for exploring that mixture of friendship and authority that a good leader creates with the people she leads. I've seen some young leaders make the mistake of going too far one way or the other.
You should read the section in Machiavelli's The Prince where he talks about whether it is better to be loved or feared. He's addressing your theme.